An Ode to Innocence
Have you seen Everything, Everywhere, All at Once? I fell in love with it immediately. I had a sense within the first moments that it would be special. If you haven’t seen it, you really should do that before you read this.
Go ahead, I can wait.
The story is a mind-bending journey through relationships and alternate timelines. It is silly and absurd at times, but there is a good reason. The characters and their struggles feel so real that without the tent poles of hilarity it would collapse in a heavy, depressing pile.
There’s this character, Waymond. We are introduced to Waymond as a goofy, meek soul, married to the central character. He dances with his customers at the laundromat. He puts googly eyes on random objects. He is attentive to his family and seems to cherish them.
But Waymond changes in an instant, right before our eyes, to become a confident, serious action hero with swagger and panache.1 In a sense, this is a different character with his own unique arc: Alpha Waymond. But it is also an interesting way to dig deeper into the character of Waymond, to see what he would be like if life were different in some small or big way. There are many Waymonds and yet just one.
That’s not what I’m writing about today but it makes for a deeply thought provoking storytelling device, for each character. It is a rich and beautiful movie and if you still haven’t seen it then I’ll be a tad resentful you let me spoil it for you.
Waymond’s Weapon
One of the most powerful moments of the story is when Waymond reveals that his innocence is not naivety:
I know you are all fighting because you are scared and confused. I'm confused too. All day... I don't know what the heck is going on. But somehow... this feels like it's all my fault.
When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It's how I've learned to survive through everything. I don't know. The only thing I do know... is that we have to be kind. Please. Be kind... especially when we don't know what's going on.
I know you see yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too. This is how I fight.
My throat caught as he started to speak. The words felt like they were coming from me. What struck me is that it isn’t totally clear who he is talking to. Take a look at this clip:
The monologue is shared between two different Waymonds, one talking to Evelyn and one addressing a group of characters that were just caught up in a silly, pointless brawl. It is unexpected that he would be saying these words to these characters that are relatively minor within the story. I thought maybe the writer was venting confusion, offering encouragement and making an invitation far beyond the scope of the story.
Waymond’s innocence is a choice. He rejects that the choice comes from naivety and explains the value of it. He encourages us to be kind. He never uses the word innocence but that is the word I eventually settled on when trying to understand what I found so compelling about Waymond.
Innocence Defined
So what is innocence? Here’s how I think about it: Innocence is our state of being before someone convinces us that things actually suck. That things can’t be fun. That we can’t just be kind to each other and laugh all day. It is the look of bliss on a child’s face when they see a loved one after a long time away and they have full certainty that if they run towards that person with outstretched arms, they will be snatched up and showered with love. It is the feeling that no one is going to hurt you and it is ok to play.
Innocence is a gift that every soul is given as it is ushered toward existence. If we are lucky, if we have attentive and kind parents, we hold on to our innocence for some time.2 Most of us feel like we lost it at some point. Some of us were in a hurry to get rid of it, for some reason.3 But some people find a way to channel their innocence well into adulthood. People like Waymond.
Innocence and naivety are often confused for each other, because naivety is what makes innocence possible when we are young. Waymond says, “When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary.” How is innocence strategic? How can it be necessary?
Innocence is a shield. So much of our suffering comes from the way we choose to see the world. When we choose to look for the the good in situations and people, it protects us from hopelessness. Innocence speaks on our behalf when we are under scrutiny. It evokes patience and effort from people who would nurture us. It protects us, yet it needs our protection. Guard your innocence and it will guard you.
Innocence is a sword, as Evelyn discovers.
Being able to make someone laugh, with kindness and gentleness, is like kung fu for getting through interpersonal conflict. Choosing to see the good side of things is choosing to see the good side of people.4 When we are the recipient of this kindness, it is hard to resist.
If naive innocence is the kind we have as a child, perhaps informed innocence is the kind we can nurture as adults. Or just mature innocence. You could understand mature innocence as the radical choice to look for the good side of situations and people, because we recognize the usefulness of it. But I think this choice is merely opening the door to innocence. It is the tip of the iceberg. An adulthood journey into deeper innocence is rich and nuanced. When you see the world through fresh eyes, you see possibilities and hope.
Innocence IRL
Recognizing innocence in the real world is more nuanced than in stories. Maybe you know someone from your personal life who channels an energy similar to Waymond. For me, it is my mother. And of course, all my nieces and nephew. Maybe you are this light for other people, you have my gratitude.
David French is an interesting case study. French is not a naive person. He has been to war. He has argued in front of the Supreme Court. But French offers a consistent stream of hopefulness and cheer in everything he publishes. Listen to the way he speaks about his DnD group or the movies he so (unfortunately) loves. It is a well-balanced hopefulness. He expresses sorrow and grief and confusion when the moment leaves us no other choice.
David French is a devout Christian. You could understand Christianity as a way to come to terms with the loss of innocence that is inevitable in life. It also offers a way to reclaim it. I wish hopefulness and kindness were a stronger part of the expression of Christianity in our society today.
Weird Al Yankovic is another person that comes to mind. It is hard to imagine a more unbridled expression of joy than Weird Al’s music. But there is depth and intention behind the joy and sillyness. Listen to any interview, particularly one where he talks about his parents.
The message of Lady Liberty is an expression of innocence.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Innocence is welcoming, it expects the best of people. It is unconcerned with the trappings of success. Compassion comes easy to innocence. Americans are at their best when they see the world with hope and possibility. We are at our worst when we see ourselves as beset on all sides.
An Invitation
In Sapiens, Yuval Noah Harari poses the question: What do we want to want? If we could have anything we wanted as a society, which wants would make us better? Here is my humble offering: We should want to nurture our innocence. As a society. As individuals. As a lonely planet in a vast universe full of wonder.
If any of these words resonated with you, dear void friend, I challenge you to search for a deeper sense of innocence in your life. Maybe you already have a strong sense of innocence. Maybe you think you’ve lost it. Growing up, whenever we lost something around the house, my mom would ask this question: Where was the last place you saw it?
Mood music:
My deepest admiration goes to Ke Huy Quan for his nuanced and superb performance. He’s been channeling this energy in movies for a very long time!
Naive innocence may be fragile, but mature innocence is antifragile. Jonathan Haidt challenges us to prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. Nurturing innocence is not the same as sheltering.
Because we wanted to feel grown up. As a culture we tend to see the loss of innocence as a necessary step toward adulthood. When we talk about someone as being innocent, it is often a kind of condescension. Because our society too often conflates innocence with naivety.
Recognizing the good in people is not the same as ignoring the bad. It is not a lowering of standards. What we should strive for is a realistic understanding of each other that includes the good.